Fox Face a sirius blak romance that ISN'T a slash
by Jakzee
Summary: Look over here, a Sirius Black romance WITHOUT any slashing of Moony and Padfoot! It's a miracle!


Wow, a Sirius Black romance that ISN'T a gay slash, it's a friggen miracle!

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Claire McThune and Theresa Client giggled silently in the compartment across the hall. After all, James had just beaten Sirius in an arm wrestling match. It was something to giggle maniacly about, right?

Not right. Claire's stomach curled as suddenly, Sirius was distracted. He was staring at something out of the window of his compartment. It looked like he was pointing to Remus's parents, but after a moment of irritating observing, they saw that Remus was begining to get angry. Then they saw Sirius's object of interest. It was a black haired, pixy faced, freckled girl, standing outside the window, waving to Remus half heartedly. A moment ago, she had seemed to be arguing with Remus's parents, but, of course, she stopped, being herself.

Theresa felt the same. Who was this girl, and who did she think she was, to let Sirius stare at her like that, and just... blankly stare back? Though the two envious girls could not see her very well, since she was three window panes away, they could see nothing special about her. Suddenly, she came up to the window, and hammered on the glass. Through the thin door, they decided to eavesdrop. Though her bell-like voice was muffled, they could tell she was shouting at Sirius and Remus.

"Remus, tell your pretty-boy friend there that if he keeps staring at me, I'm going to come in there and squeeze the life out of him!" Claire and Theresa's eyes bugged out and their mouths dropped open. How dare this girl speak to their lovely Sirius this way? They were on the verge of storming in and giving her a talking to when Sirius started to speak. They sighed, wanting more of his voice. (Dirty whores...)

"Feel free to anytime, gorgeous!" And the feeling of love was gone when he stopped talking, and they gasped at what he had just said. Usually, he kept his egotistical remarks for girls he knew, like Claire and Theresa. But not now. What was so special about her? She hardly had any hair, for hippogriff's sake! Instead, it was clippped short and spiky, to go with her pixie-like face. (You can see who I'm basing this on, right?)

"I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot broomstick, you fag!" Why was she talking like this to him? Remus exchanged a knowing glance with her, and, just as the train started moving, their heard her beautiful voice saying, "Besides, you look like you've already got a couple of admirers, right outside your door!"

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"Gee, Remus, are you ever going to stop reading?" a handsome, dark haired body nudged the fawny-haired boy, called 'Remus', in the ribs. Remus looked up momentarily, and without answering, began to read again. "Hello? Hello?" The dark haired boy waved his hand in front of Remus's face, when suddenly, he was tapped on the back. He turned around irritably, hoping for James, but got an eyeful of something better. He cocked his eyebrow and grinned cheesily.

"Why, hello, gorgeous." And, upon impulse, he winked at her. The girl, who was bending down in a way so that the boy could easily go sightseeing, cocked her head and gave him a mocking little smile, saying,

"I wouldn't date you if it were a choice between you and Pettigrew." She said sarcastically, all the while her little sardonic smile still on her face. "In fact, I'm just here for Remus." She made a point of kissing Remus on the cheek when she sat down next to him.

"Oh, so is this your girlfriend?" the boy tried to harrass the girl by lying about his friend. It never worked, especially not on her.

"Nope." Remus replied, all the while reading. "Besides, I never said I had a girlfriend, and you know why." He eyed the boy warily. The boy rolled his eyes, and I'm going to get around to the introductions, because I'm tired of calling Sirius, 'the boy'.

"So, who's your friend?" She asked, nodding her head in the egotistical boy's direction, who was now sitting on the other side of her. Remus looked up, and Sirius's eyes bugged out from his head.

"He's Sirius Black- are you new here? I've never seen you around, but you look familiar..." Remus tried to place it, but he couldn't. Who was this mysterious girl, who had kissed him on the cheek? He studied her face before his thoughtful expression was replaced by Sirius's one. "Wait- Alice?" He asked in shock, his eyes wide. She nodded.

"Hello, Remmy, nice way of greeting your long lost, distant, Australian cousin." She remarked sarcastically on his refusal to believe who she was.

"This is your cousin?" Sirius whined. He hated relatives. James was much to protective of his younger sister, Jolie, and also of his cousin, Sarah. It was irritating, since both of them were very sexy.

"Yeah, she's _my second cousin._ Her name's Alice." He replied. "And Sirius, get your bloody paws off of her or I'll knock you senseless." He threatened. Sirius, who had been attempting to put his arm around Alice, dropped it at once.

"So, where are the rest, or did you make up your little posse?" She looked around, as if expecting to see another dark haired, tousled boy who harrassed a pretty red headed girl, and a watery eyed pathetic mouse who only hung around them because they were powerful. To be honest, she didn't like the sound of that, and she had a feeling that befriending Peter was a stupid thing to do. A really stupid thing to do. That was the thing about Alice, if she had a feeling, you'd better listen to her, or that feeling might just come true. Obviously, no one ever believed her, though they did hold her in higher respect after she predicted the lotto numbers and her family won big time, which was about the time she was sent to Beauxbatons and had to stop seeing her favorite cousin, Remmy.

"Um... James will be torturing Lily over by the dorms, and Peter will be in the kitchens." Remus answered, pointing to two different places at once.

"Nevermind, let's wait until they come outside for me to meet them. The castle's too stuffy at the moment." Alice shuddered. "to much hustle bustle. Makes me feel creepy." That was another thing about her. She was the biggest anti-social, outcasted tomboy anyone'd ever meet. That was saying something.

"Hey, Remus, can I-" Sirius began, but Remus leaned over Alice and came face to face with Sirius.

"No. Never. Not ever going to happen. Don't even THINK about it. I think I'd like my cousin to lose her purity AFTER marriage." Remus snapped.

"Well, then, Alice, will you marry me?" Alice turned around and bit him, quite literally, on the arm, sending him hopping up and down. Alice laughed, her laugh like a bell's chime, possibly even sweeter. The effect was somewhat ruined by Sirius's whining.

"You never told me your cousin was a psychopathic werewolf too!" Sirius complained, and Remus stopped laughing immediately. "Er..." Sirius muttered.

"Hey, Remus, I already knew." She grinned. Then, quite suddenly, she popped up, stood in front of Sirius, and hugged him. When she stopped, Sirius looked at her like she was insane.

"What was that for?" He asked.

"You'll get used to it." Remus replied, his nose back in his book again. Ugh.

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Alice coming to Hogwarts was possibly the best thing that could have happened to Sirius. She was the one who got him to shut up, the one who confused him, yet helped him with his homework, and acted like an annoying little sister. You had to love her, but that didn't mean you had to like her.

"No... Le-ave-me-al-one!" Sirius grumbled, the effect ruined by the fact that Alice was bouncing up and down on his bed. At six a.m. In the morning. On Saturday. On Christmas morning. Ugh.

"Come on, lazy butt, everyone else is awake! Time to open presents!" She punctuated the word 'presents' by sharply poking him in the chest. He rolled over, muttering unpleasant things under his breath that Alice was lucky she couldn't hear.

"Don't mutter at me, open your eyes, or I'll.. I'll... set Remus on your for raping me!" She thought a while, and knew that it was best. Remus had grown slightly more protective of her every day she had been in his care. And truthfully, she didn't mind.

"Ugh, no need to make threats, darlin'..." He murmured, trying to get up, and failing. Instead, he rolled off of the bed. Alice shimmied under the covers, something she always did, because he had the most comfortable bed, and also because after Sirius left it, it was very warm. It was like laying down next to a fire, without the irritable raining ash and stuff.

"Why do you get the best bed?" She complained. Oh, I forgot to mention that she slept in the boy's dorm. It's classic, right?

"Because I _am_ the best." And upon waking up, he slipped straight into flirt mode. "Wanna watch me change?" He grinned pervertedly. Alice grimaced and turned around while he went from ten-day boxers to new ten-day boxers and a tee-shirt that said, 'This isn't a beer belly. It's a full-time sex machine.' and torn and faded blue jeans. When Alice turned back around, she saw the logo on the tee-shirt and grimaced.

"You've got to stop wearing that. McGonagall'll throw a fit." She informed him. He shrugged.

"What will it be, the seventeenth time I've had detention in a month now? Besides, it's Christmas." He grinned and crawled back into bed with her. "We goin' downstairs, or what?" He asked. Alice grinned back.

"I think we should." As she tried to slip out of the bed, Sirius put his arms around her waist, jumped up from the bed, and picked her up.

"LET ME GO!" She yelled, as he carried her down the stairs, bridal style. She soon gave up, and instead, resorted to grimacing and crossing her arms. She hated being small.

He carried her down the stairs and into the common room. It was early, and the Maruaders always had Christmas early in the morning, so they could have it alone.

"REMUS!" Alice screeched as Sirius sat down with Alice on his lap. Quicker and swifter than a cat, she scrambled out of his grip and sat down next to Remus. "SIRIUS is RAPING ME why don't you DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!" Remus looked over at Sirius and narrowed his eyes.

"Okay, what did you do you her, Sirius?" He asked, clenching his fists.

"I didn't do anything, I just picked her up and carried her down here!" He defended himself. Remus sighed.

"Alice, you're too small for your own good." He told her, and with that, she was, once again, being carried, but this time over Remus's shoulder. Instead of complaining and kicking, she just rested her elbow on him and said, "WHY ME?!!" The rest of that Christmas was spent opening gifts, and carrying a haphazzard looking Alice around.

Sirius was wearing a new shirt, a gift from Alice. It said, 'Sirius, the Dog Star'. It quickly replaced his sex machine shirt, and Alice was glad that she didn't have to look at it anymore, so she chucked it in the fire while Siris grumbled. And, time for James and Peter to have their say, so VOILA!

"Wanna go down for Christmas breakfast?" James asked, leaping up onto Sirius and Alice form the back, his arms around their necks. Without waiting for a reply, he nodded to Remus, and the four of them went down to breakfast, where Peter was already waiting. There were only a few other students, all Gryffindor, eating so early.

"Heya Peter!" James called joyously over to Peter, who waved back. Alice still tried to keep as far away as possible from the unattractive boy, so she sat next to her only girlfriend, and best friend, Lily Evans. Jame spotted her, and after digging into some Christmas eggs, grinned. It was a disgusting sight.

"You need to wash out your mouth, Potter." The sixteen year old Lily said coolly before turning back to Alice and siad, "So, did you like my gift?" knowing full well that they had already opened them.

"Yeah, it's awesome!" Lily had gotten her a book (knowing that she shared Remus's love of books) called 'The Hunger Games'. It was a novel about Panem and the Hunger Games, and so far, Alice had fallen in love with the main character's friend, Gale. He sounded cute. By the way, I highly reccomend this book!

Suddenly, their Christmas was irreparably ruined by the appearance of two girls. Their names were Claire McThune and Theresa Client. They were also the creepiest pair of fangirls ever, stalking Sirius at random intervals during the day. They even scared Sirius, though Alice knew he enjoyed the attention.

"Hi, Sirius!" Claire's ridiculously high-pitched voice broke through Alice's thoughts, and she groaned, slumping down in her seat. "So, did you like our Christmas gifts?" Theresa asked, her fake shrill hurting Alice and Lily's ears.

"Er, yeah, a lifetime supply of... mechanical condoms." Even Sirius seems sort of grossed out. It didn't phaze the Bimbo Buddies, though, as most of the normal girls had taken to calling the pair.

"Of course, we know you'll just have to use them soon, right?" Alice felt like upchucking her food, and calmly excused herself from the table. Or not. Instead, she smirked, and took off, stealing a muffin and some bacon on a plate, with Lily following closely after her.

"Ah, let's leave Sirius to deal with the Bimbo Buddies." Lily grinned. "Hand over a bit of bacon." She ordered. Alice grudgingly shared her precious bacon with Lily, and brought the muffin back up to the room that Alice had left so many weeks ago. She looked at her abandoned corner of a bed and sighed sadly.

"Oh well. Is Calleigh here?" She asked Lily.

"Must still be, she never came down for Breakfast." Lily shrugged.

"YO CALLEIGH!" She yelled, and even Lily covered her ears. The two heard a muffled, "What the fuck do you want?" from Calleigh's bed, which was decidedly lumpy.

"I brought you breakfast." Alice went over to the bed and placed the muffin on a napkin that was resting there. Alice usually brought breakfast to Calleigh, so she had started putting out a place and napkin just for the fun of it.

"Oh, that smells good..." A black hand emerged from underneath the bed, and it groped around, searching for it's breakfast, before Alice had to grab it and guide it to the muffin. The entire plate disappeared underneath the red covers, and they heard noises of someone chewing and swallowing. The muffin was soon devoured.

"Come on, wake up!" Alice whined. "It's Christmas!" She knew Calleigh loved her weekends, where she would do absolutely nothing but sleep, though she was a very active person during the week.

"Urgh..." Calleigh groaned, but knew she was never stop annoying her, so she got up and dressed anyway, still half asleep.


End file.
